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A Last Goodbye

dimfidel1


13 Jun. 2018 57



An unnamed protagonist, a man in his early thirties, sits alone in the middle of his apartment. The window blinds are closed, letting in only slivers of light. The buzzing of a large ceiling fan is the only sound that can be heard in the main room where the man is seated. With his right hand he holds a revolver, with his left a half empty glass with what appears to be liquor inside. The man talks to himself, seemingly addressing the audience. He talks of a woman, Maria, who he loved. He states that they were married, but that she cheated on him with a coworker. As he speaks tears roll down to his cheeks, the revolver still in his hand. He goes on to describe how the affair led to his entire life being torn apart. He says that his friends forsook him, that he lost his job and that his family disowned him. He seems to be most hurt from the fact that Maria kept his dog. He is interrupted by his cellphone ringing, he picks up. The tone of his voice immediately changes, he seems calm, slightly jovial even. A friend is on the line, he asks the protagonist where he has disappeared to, the friend seems worried. The protagonist laughs, saying that he simply wanted some time alone. The friend mentions how a mutual acquaintance of theirs has gone missing, ending with “Didn’t you two date for a short while?”. The protagonist states “Yeah, you could say that…”, the words seem devoid of any emotion as he says them. He hangs up, addressing the audience once more. He says the others don’t get him, and that his love was true and pure. He gets up, moving towards the kitchen. On the counter lies a large knife, covered with dried blood. The floor is littered with torn up trash bags. The man opens the fridge door, looking inside with a smile “Our love was true, was it not, honey?”         


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princess

Good luck!




greekspoiler

Solid and original.


aspassaki

Spooky!


mcmcmc

Well done!


virus666

I was expecting more, anyway good luck!


Mitsa_Antzouli

Interesting idea but somehow predictable!


TestMe

Good written skills...


evgkas

Interesting but predictable


check

Sorry it is not so rare but the reason could be very creative.


deadpoolb3

I want to watch what happened! It is not rare but I hope it will be creative


Killerman

Its sounds really thrilling,solid but not so rare!!


Nick_b

it's ok but i was expecting a more interesting ending..


Despina

Could be thrilling, but not original.


Schnitzelstrauss

Very well written! Good Job!


Sefkros

Great job!


Skatosauros69

Solid structure and naturally perverse. Captures the mindset of a murderer very well.


Tfa26

good story but the ending is very casual, i expected something a bit different


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Total rate

Solid 2.5/5
Creative 2.4/5
Thrilling 2.9/5
Rare 2.2/5
Average 2.5/5

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